It’s not too early to spread some Christmas cheer, just ask these 14 people who practically didn’t even wait until Thanksgiving was over to flood their feeds with intense holiday spirit. And even if you’re not a huge fan of Christmas, here is something other than Christmas carol music (ugh) that’ll make this year’s holidays a little lighter.
Whether you can’t wait to share Christmas humor with your adult friends or are drunk from Christmas dinner and want some Santa jokes, Christmas jokes, or dirty holiday jokes to pass around the table, we’ve got you covered with these TK jokes that are pretty much PG-13.
Santa Jokes for Adults
1) Q: What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.
3) Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
2) Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.
4) Q: What do you call a broke Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less
5) Q: Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
A: To keep her off the North Pole.
6) Q: What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole?
7) Q: What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
A: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”
8) The Santa at the shopping mall was quite surprised when he saw Martha, a woman in her mid-twenties, asking to sit on his lap. We all know Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled at him very nicely and he ended up asking her what she wanted for Christmas.
“Something for my mother, please,” she replied.
“Something for your mother? That’s very loving and thoughtful of you,” smiled Santa. “What would you like me to bring her?”
Emily answered quickly, “A son-in-law.”
9) Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
10) Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soot’s him.
11) Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
12) Q: What’s the difference between Santa and a knight?
A: One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh.
13) Q: What did Santa say to his wife?
A: It’s going to reindeer.
14) Q: What goes “oh oh oh”?
A: Santa walking backwards.
15) Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Christmas Jokes for Adults
15) Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
A: Because the present’s beneath them.
16) Q: Why did the snowman want a divorce?
A: Because his wife was a total flake.
17) Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!
18) Q: What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
19) Q: Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?
A: He desperately needed some holiday spirit.
20) Q: What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?
A: Their balls are ornamental.
21) Wanna see the North Pole? …At least that’s what Mrs. Claus calls it.
22) Q: How do snowmen make babies?
A: Snowballs, of course.
23) Q: What do the female reindeer do when the guys are out working?
A: They go into town and blow a few bucks.
Dirty Christmas Jokes
24) Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: Because he only comes once a year.
25) Q: What’s Santa’s safe sex tip?
A: Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.
26) Q: Why does Santa land on the roof?
A: Because he likes it on top.
27) If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, do you mind if I visit between the holidays?
28) Q: What do a train set and boobs have in common?
A: They were both made for kids but dads can’t help playing with them.
29) Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven.
“In honor of this holy season,” he said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “This represents a candle,” he said.
“Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” said Saint Peter.
The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “You may also enter heaven.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. “And just what do those symbolize?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”
Merry Christmas, you guys. If you’re on the naughty list, we hope these jokes filled you with some cheer.